


go to the ends of the earth for you

by choi_kimmy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, F/M, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 15:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19087558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choi_kimmy/pseuds/choi_kimmy
Summary: "He puts thinking about her in the deepest recesses of his mind because he knows that if he is to stop and recount her selfless sacrifice, remember how far they’ve come since the first day they’d met, honour all the memories they’ve shared together over the years, Steve is sure he’d crumble and fall.And this time, Natasha—Nat—won’t be there to pick him up."Or in other words; Steve goes back in time to return the stones, and his encounter with 2012 Nat and the Ancient One spark something in him.





	go to the ends of the earth for you

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Endgame ahead!
> 
> I've had this idea for a long time but never gotten around to writing it because honestly, I was not confident enough that I would do justice to Steve/Nat, especially since there are so many amazing writers within the fandom who could probably do a better job. But I was inspired to write this last night after reading @nctaliaromanova 's tweet so here I am! I also combined this idea with the fantheory (where Steve actually grew old with Nat) that's become super popular until Marvel removed it from Twitter lmao.
> 
> I've only seen Endgame once because I refused to watch it again (I'm still not over Nat's death btw) so some details may be incorrect, and I'll have to ask you to forgive me for any mistakes you see in this fic. I tried to keep it as canon as possible, except the ending of course, because I couldn't care less what the Russos have to say about it lmao. 
> 
> The title is inspired by Adele's Make You Feel My Love, that particular line fits well for Steve/Nat both in my opinion. Thank you for giving this fic a chance!

Steve puts grieving at the back of his mind because their mission is still ongoing; the world still needs saving and he knows he couldn’t put a pause on that, knows she would agree with him in a heartbeat if she was still around. He affords himself a few tears; they roll down naturally as a result from the permanent break in his heart, knowing that his best friend, his confidant, his partner, his pillar of support, was no longer there.

And it hurts. So, _so_ badly.

Steve thinks that maybe the universe hates him, maybe this is their way of telling him that he doesn’t deserve a happy ending, doesn’t deserve to be with people he loved (loves); first Bucky, then Peggy and now Natasha—but he’d gotten Bucky back, after so many trials and ordeals, and there was some sort of closure with Peggy, he’d visited her so frequently, made sure she was comfortable and happy, before she passed naturally. With Natasha though, he hadn’t been prepared at all. If he closes his eyes, he could still see the way her face had lighted up at the prospect of saving the world and bringing the dusted back, sees her completely at ease and clearly excited as she smiled at him and said _see you in a minute._

Steve sucks in a sharp breath, shakes his head and stands. He puts thinking about her in the deepest recesses of his mind because he knows that if he is to stop and recount her selfless sacrifice, remember how far they’ve come since the first day they’d met, honour all the memories they’ve shared together over the years, Steve is sure he’d crumble and fall. 

And this time, Natasha— _Nat_ —won’t be there to pick him up. She won’t be around to assure him that he isn’t alone, won’t be around to pull him into a hug. There will be no more playful banters, harmless flirting, endless teasing of how _ancient_ he is, because Nat is gone _forever._

He didn’t even get to say goodbye.

 

* * *

  

They win the battle eventually, but with another cost to pay.

Steve doesn’t think his heart could break any further, but it does when he sees Pepper kiss Tony goodbye, sees the life disappearing from his eyes. Just like that, he’d lost two of his teammates to this war he’d grown to abhor so much. 

The aftermath of the war is scarring and hurtful, the agony a reminder of what he’d lost in the process of saving the world. Steve barely makes it through Tony’s funeral—he misses his snark and wit, but he misses his friend most. He gives Pepper a hug and tells her that he is always available should she need his help. Pepper simply smiles in gratitude as Morgan reaches for her. There’s something that she wishes to say to Steve, he could sense it, but she is hesitant. Eventually, she settles for a simple response; _you too._

It puzzles him for a moment, and Pepper is gone before he could inquire further into her words. He figures it out by himself later on, but even then, Steve does not allow himself to reopen the wound that he has hastily stitched on his heart. Bruce tells him that he misses her, and he nods—he misses her too. But that is all that he shows to Bruce; his feelings remain bottled, keeping them locked in the deepest part of himself, because his mission isn’t entirely complete yet. He still has one last task to do, which is to return the infinity stones to their respective timelines and places.

He gathers all the remaining strength in him to move forward, even if he’d just lost two of his close friends in a span of days, even if his heart hurts like crazy. He needs to complete his mission, no matter how much he wishes for some time to clear his head, to go through the emotional turmoils in his heart, to mourn properly for her. Because it is Captain America’s duty to overcome adversaries, to prioritise world peace before the peace of his own heart, always. 

So he swallows the lump in his throat, and goes back in time to fulfil his last mission, a task that shouldn’t be too difficult—all he needs to do is to place the stones back where they belonged, and get the hell out of there. He’d done his task well too so far; from putting the Orb back into the lasers before Quill appears, to somehow figuring out a way to put back the Aether into an unconscious Jane Foster, to returning the scepter containing the Mind Stone (and secretly scowling at all the undercover Hydra agents in the process). All that’s left are the Tesseract, the damned Soul Stone, and the Time Stone. 

Since he is still in 2012 and in New York, returning the Time Stone is an obvious next step, so he starts to head for the Sanctum. He is halfway there, making his way as discreetly as possible while staying out from the Chitauri and a battle he isn’t supposed to fight, when he finds his footsteps slowing gradually until he halts completely, frozen in his place. He is hidden behind a pillar, but he sees clearly the commotion that is happening in front of him, remembering it as an event that has happened 11 years ago. Seeing it again though, sparks something else within him. His heart clenches, spotting the familiar fiery redhead he wouldn’t have been able to miss from a distance today. 

Immediately, Steve feels his eyes sting with tears he could not prevent from forming. The tears blur his vision, but he doesn’t wipe them away. He stares ahead, eyes wide open, breath caught in his throat. Time begins to slow down, the chaos that is the Battle of New York becomes background noises. He feels his knees almost buckling as a tide of insurmountable feeling guts him in his stomach. _She’s_ right in front of him. _Nat._ Fighting the Chitauri with well refined skills, brimming with unabashed confidence and an elegance in the way she moves that only the Black Widow possesses. _Alive_ and _well._

He sees his past self battling alongside her, and suddenly, all the memories he have kept hidden within him begins to flood his mind; from the moment he first saw her and called her _ma'am,_ to this momentin front of him working together as Avengers for the first time, to her being assigned as his partner in S.H.I.E.L.D. before its demise, to all the times they’ve kept enemies off each other, fought together, all the times during missions when she hadn’t been so lucky and had gotten injured, where he had insisted she sit down and rest and let him tend to her wound, when she nearly bit off his head for suggesting she needed him to protect her because _I’m the Black Widow for a reason, Rogers, I can protect myself just fine,_ to her slowly opening up to him and allowing herself to trust him. There are flashes of all the memories he’d shared with her, and they hit him so hard, that Steve found himself gasping for air, unaware that he had been holding his breath this entire time.

He knows he isn't thinking with his head at this point. It takes him everything not to step into view and rush into the scene, to whirl her around, to hug her, tell her so many things, or at least just _thank_ her for all the good she has done and brought to his life. For always being there for him, for making sure he was never alone, for always listening, for not giving up, for all the movies and classics they’ve watched together as part of his S.H.I.E.L.D training to getting him accustomed to this century, for all the dinners they’ve eaten together, all the peanut butter sandwiches they’ve shared. For being his confidant and partner, a friend, someone he grew to cherish and love.

Nat told him before that she had red in her ledger that she needed to wipe off. He wishes he could tell her that she has already done that a long time ago, when she chose to be part of S.H.I.E.L.D, part of the Avengers. He wants so desperately to tell her that she shouldn’t beat herself up for what is to come 11 years down the road from that moment in New York, that she shouldn’t see herself as someone unworthy when she’d done so much to prove otherwise. Most of all, he wants to tell her something he has kept hidden within him for the longest of time, when his excuse behind not saying anything was that he couldn’t be sure of what he feels for her, what it _means_. But it has become painfully obvious, after he’d lost her, that his feelings are as clear as the day. That he—a soldier who had once lost everything, had found solace in her, a spy, who had given him so much hope— _loves_ her. 

Steve takes a half step forward, his heart pounds madly beneath his chest. He’d break so many rules if they see him, but he’s so _near_ to her. She’s right _there. The last chance he could ever--_

He stops himself at the very last second when he recognises what she is about to do. Steve sees his past self bending slightly, his shield angled towards where Nat stood. He still remembers this moment vividly in his mind, remembering how awed he’d first been when she did it fearlessly and without a moment of hesitation, how much he had admired her fearless bravery. It would eventually be the first of many moments when he would share his shield with her, when his shield would somehow become a part of her identity, too. 

The Nat he sees in front of his eyes begins to bolt forward, leaping onto his shield flawlessly, and his past self flings her into the air effortlessly towards an approaching chariot. She’s gone in an instance, carried away by the chariot.

His heart calms down eventually. Steve finally tears his eyes away from the spot he’d last seen her. His lips form a small but bitter smile as reality shakes him out of his reverie. He feels the Time Stone burning in his pocket. His mission.

Steve wills himself to move. He sucks in another long breath, squeezing his eyes tightly, savouring the moment that had just occurred and keeping it etched in his memory forever. Then he walks forward.

 

* * *

 

As briefed by Bruce earlier, Steve finds the Ancient One waiting for him on the roof of the sanctum, her back facing him as she overlooks the disaster that is happening in New York. 

“You did it.” The Ancient One states simply, not at all surprised by the sudden appearance of a stranger. She turns slowly, eyes meeting his before Steve looks down. All she does is hold a hand out, and Steve steps forward and drops the Time Stone into her palm. 

“We did.” He corrects her gently with a sigh, his eyes not meeting hers. Steve turns, ready to leave, when she speaks again. 

“The battle is won, but you act like you’ve lost.”

He pauses in his step and glances sideway. There is a long pause as Steve tries to find for his words—how does one explain the break of his heart and the pain in his soul, a result from losing the people he loves? Casualties have always been normal in his line of work, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

“It’s hardly a win when you’ve lost so many lives.” Steve settles for that answer in the end, his mind drifting to not only Nat and Tony, but Vision too. He hesitates, then adds, “I’ve only ever loved two women, and both are gone. It’s sad, don’t you think?” 

The Ancient One doesn’t agree, nor does she disagree. She simply looks at him over the silence that is stretching between them. Then she asks, “What are your regrets?”

Steve raises an eyebrow, slightly confused. Bruce didn’t warn him that the Ancient One would be conversational. But he reckons he should respond anyway, because it isn’t polite not to, so he furrows his eyebrows and thinks. “I promised Peggy a dance. I never gave her that. And…” He starts, feeling his heart constricting at the mere thought floating in his mind. “Nat didn’t get to live the life she deserved. She’d always put others first, told me to get a life first, she…she deserved to be happy.”

“What about you? What are you going to do?”

“I have two more stones to return. Then…” Steve frowns. “I honestly don’t know.” 

“Maybe you should heed her advice.” The Ancient One says stoically but doesn’t elaborate further. Steve looks at her quizzically, but he doesn’t say anything. “Thank you for returning the stone.” The Ancient One finishes her sentence, turning around in an implication that their conversation has come to an end.

The entire exchange has been unusual, but Steve maintains his composure and tips his head slightly. He leaves with the Ancient One’s words ringing continuously in his mind.

 

* * *

 

Steve wonders if his encounter with the Ancient One had influenced his thinking—had she not asked him his regrets, or suggested he took Nat’s advice, would he have made this decision today?

Peggy is in his arms, both of them swaying slowly to the sound of the music playing in the background. Upon returning the Tesseract, Steve had made an unexpected decision to stay a little longer, deciding that he had a promise to fulfil, one dance that he owed to his first love. He’d explained everything to her, and Peggy (surprisingly) doesn’t question or doubt him, merely listens to his explanation; she is as calm and as composed as she always is, and Steve is relieved for that. 

He holds onto Peggy gently even after the music stops, his heart light, finally in contentment. They stay in that position for a while more, until the doorbell rings and Peggy pulls away from him to answer the door. Steve tails her, and when she opens the door to reveal who is on the other side, he finds himself smiling instantly.

“Peggy,” The person greets warmly, jutting a hand out. “I’m—“

“I know.” Peggy says in an instant, a similar smile gracing her face as she accepts the handshake. “Do you want to come in?”

“Oh no,” Steve sees how calm and serene she looks, and decides rightaway that he doesn’t regret this decision. “I wouldn’t want to impose. Just here to pick up a fossil.”

Peggy laughs at that joke knowingly, having heard the story from Steve, and turns to face the man who had rolled his eyes playfully. She gives him a brief hug before stepping sideway for him to pass. “Off you go, then.” 

Steve smiles. “Please send my regards to Daniel. And Peggy?” He pauses on the porch, eyes meeting hers again. “Thanks for the dance.”

Peggy shakes her head, still smiling. “I should be the one to thank you, for remembering.” She looks at the woman beside Steve. “Take care, both of you. If you need anything, I’m always here.”

As they leave Peggy’s house, Steve breaks the silence in the air. “Fossil? Really? Are you ever going to drop that joke?”

The woman laughs, hands in her pocket, her red hair gleaming brightly under the sun. He glances at her, listening to her laugh and realising just how much he’d missed that sound. “Never. You’ll always be a fossil to me.” She simply states, still grinning.

“ _Nat_ ,” Steve pretends to groan, though deep down, his heart is about to combust—he never would have thought he’d say her name again, call her, have her beside him, but here she is, laughing under the sun, completely at ease, happy.

His trip to Vormir had been something he’d dreaded before. Clint had told him that they wouldn’t get Nat back no matter what, that her soul was an everlasting exchange. Steve did not hope, for he knew that hoping would only further destroy him. Seeing Red Skull was another surprise he didn’t expect, but it didn’t seem like his nemesis had any recollection of who Steve was or what he did to him in the past, so Steve eventually let that go. When he dropped the soul stone over the cliff, he had been ready to run, not wanting to stay in this terrible place that took the life of his best friend away. But there was a sudden blinding light, and Steve found himself in a pool of water. When he’d awoken, and taken in his surroundings, he couldn’t believe his eyes—Nat was beside him, still dressed in the Avengers outfit, unconscious, but _breathing._ With the Pym particle miraculously still in her pocket, and not wanting to leave her alone, Steve didn’t think, he just reacted—he brought both of them back into the 70s, for him to return the Tesseract, his final stone. She had awoken some time after, extremely dazed and confused, more so seeing Steve tearing up at the sight of her. He had told her that they’ve defeated Thanos, and all was well.

“So what do you want to do now?” Natasha asks, her steps light as she twirls around to face him. “Since we’re stuck here for good.”

With only one Pym particle left, Steve had initially wanted Nat to use it to go back. He’d somehow regretted bringing her back with him to the past, not thinking of the consequence. He thought it would be easy to just take another particle from Hank Pym’s lab, but Steve was aghast to find that there were none left, and Hank had grumpily told him he needs more time to make new ones. It wasn’t a surprise that Natasha refused to go with his plan, telling him that she won’t leave without him.

“Well, not for good. Once Pym makes more of those, we can go back then.” Steve shrugs casually, not at all worried. He is just grateful she is here with him. 

Natasha stops in her steps, slight hesitation spreads across her face. “What is it?” Steve inquires, knowing she wants to say something. 

“Do you want to go back, though?” She asks after a few seconds. The implication of her words hit him. “It’s a nice time to live in, don’t you think?” She adds, still a little hesitant. Steve digests her words slowly, a little bit surprised that she would even suggest doing such a thing, not when her heart had always been tied strongly to her role as an Avenger. To leave all that behind…

“This coming from someone who didn’t want to move on?” Steve teases, and Natasha swats his arm playfully. Then he tries again, this time more seriously, “Tell me what’s on your mind, Natasha.”

She shrugs. “I don’t know honestly. I’ve just been doing some thinking.”

“Sounds dangerous.” He smirks and earns a glare. “Just joking. Why don’t you want to go back?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to go back. I do, but…” Natasha runs a hand through her hair in obvious frustration. “I’m just weighing other options.”

“Like staying here for good?” Steve echoes her words earlier and sees her features soften instantaneously. She nods once. “Like trying out a normal life.”

He understands her almost at once. It isn’t that Natasha doesn’t want to return to the present, if there is anything that she loves, it is the job she has grown to love and the little family she is given because of that job. It’s just that she has lived her whole life trying to atone for her past, that returning to the present would only remind her constantly, everyday, for the rest of her life, of the responsibilities she has to shoulder. Their job as an Avenger would never end, missions after missions, disasters after disasters— they’re like chapters of a book. While they’ve come to accept that a long time ago, maybe this is a chance for them to finish that book and write a new one instead. To start a new life, a clean slate.

Steve reaches out and places his hands on her shoulders, gently turning her so their eyes could meet. “I _did_ say we had to get a life.” 

“You first.” She smiles knowingly, her hands grasping onto his wrists gently. “I said that, didn’t I?”

“It’s not a bad idea, really.” Steve sees the merits of her suggestion, agrees to it, even. “But if we do this, we might create an alternate timeline where we won’t be Black Widow or Captain America. You won’t see the others, again. Are you okay with that?”

Natasha’s hesitating again, clearly conflicted, knowing the consequence of staying back. “I…”

“I’ll tell you what I think.” Steve interrupts her, his mind becoming certain at each passing second. “I can live with that, honestly. I think we both deserve it. A normal life. A chance to be happy. I’ll miss the others for sure, Bucky, Sam, everyone else. But maybe you’re right. Maybe we should…I don’t know, put our hearts first before anything else. Maybe it’s time we prioritise ourselves before anyone else. That’s what I think.”

Natasha takes his words in carefully, thinking it through one last time. Then, she asks, “What does your heart say?”

He pauses, removing his hands from her shoulders so he could gently lace his fingers through hers. Natasha doesn’t jump in surprise from that action, if any, she seems to have accepted this unspoken progression of their relationship ever since she’d awoken in a different timeline in an after-death experience.

“That I’ll go wherever you go.” Steve finally says, heart surprisingly still in acceptance, in how this feels completely right. “Nat, I love you.”

She isn’t fazed by that confession, instead, Steve sees tears forming in her eyes. It has taken them such a long time before Natasha could ever show her vulnerable side to him—she’s the Black Widow, after all, trained to keep her emotions bottled up inside, trained never to cry, never to feel. Ever since Thanos, she no longer hid her feelings from him, he’d seen her cry many times over that 5 years before Scott showed up. This time, it’s the same, but Nat takes a step forward, completely lowering the walls she had built around her heart ever since the Red Room, ever since Bruce. 

“I love you too.”

 

—

_**(end)** _

 

_**a/n: t** he ending is left open for interpretation, if they do stay or if they return eventually. the option for them to stay is basically based on the fantheory and old!steve at the end of endgame, but i'd be honest and say it's hard to imagine them really staying in the past. i tried to reason it out though, so it's really up to your own interpretation :) thank you for reading!!!_


End file.
